My mind likes to hurt me

I hate talking about my dreams, it's like reliving getting shot in the chest, or the horror of being chased by an evil cherub statue that flies.
I've decided that I'll talk about it anyway though, because I love hurting myself for other people's benefit. (I do half a front cartwheel thing where I end up landing on my back... I really don't know how to illustrate this with words, but I hope you'll get it... but I do it just to entertain people (mainly girls, I'm a sucker to 'em all))
The dream about the cherub was actually one of my most detailed dreams ever, I was working in a statue factory that was forcing me and my girlfriend and her sister to make statues. The person making us do this was the flying cherub statue... Apparently I have an inner fear of cherubs because they will make you their bitch, whips and scalding water as a punishment (I didn't get punished because I'm a good workin' man, gf and sister on the other hand...) somehow we've all escaped and there's George and he invites us to hide in his house by the train tracks, the house is like an oversized version of  the stairs you have to lower by blowing up by putting one bomb between two other bombs which causes a domino effect with more bombs in Dodongo's Cavern in Zelda Ocarina of Time, but each step was about 6 feet tall... 
I climbed up the house and when I got to the top, the statue came to attack me (It moved like it was on a wire, and the body and face didn't move, it laughed but it's mouth was still and shit like that) but after it flew at me a few times, I caught it and said to George who was there "You know, there's a problem with this statue. The neck is too thin, I mean the head could snap" I crack the head off by slamming the statue against my knee "just like that"... I woke up and I felt like a badass because of that line
I had another dream, but it wasn't detailed, but I still felt badass throughout the most of it.
I am moving a box outside when I hear yells coming from next door (I lived in an apartment at the time, but this was two houses... in fact, I don't think there were any houses besides those two.) Yells of a fight and then a gunshot and a scream, a walk over with a pair of scissors in my hands (Don't ask me how I got it) and I look through the window as the door opens, I sneak over and a see a guy threatening to blow a girl's head off, he's holding her in a headlock and there's a little kid that he's yelling incoherent things and every now and again "I'll kill her!" so with my scissors, I sneak behind the man and put the scissors to his neck swiftly and say "what seems to be the problem here?" The girls run off to call the police (even though he's still holding a gun at them and the scissors were a pair of scissors I have at my desk in real life and they can barely cut Jello so I doubt they could slit anyone's neck but then again, it's a dream) He starts yelling profanities at me so I try to tell him to calm down and try to walk him somewhere, as we're walking, I slip and drop the scissors, he turns the gun at me and I'm sitting up straight, in bed, feeling for bullet holes in my chest.

Dreams are fucking weird.