My luck with computers

All right, I have about 3 laptops now... Why so many?
Computer One: I got this computer as a gift from my Mom who didn't want it anymore...
The Tragedy: I was on the computer and decided "I want some chips," so I got up and my knee ever so lightly brushed the desk that it laid upon, and with the force of a boulder tossing catapult, the computer flew up, fell, and the screen landed on the ground, screen first.
The Results: a cracked screen. The computer works but I need a new screen for it.
The Solution: My sister gave me her old computer because she got a new one.
Computer Two: the one my sister gave me.
The Tragedy: I was on the computer trying to... attain movies and music through by... a questionable process... and bang...
The Results: It won't turn on.
The Solution: My neighbor threw a computer in the trash can... What the Hell? So at night, I snuck over, and grabbed it (hoping to find a computer with a working screen) I found a working computer... with no wires, but I used an older computer's wire to charge it, and it worked.
Computer Three (My current computer): I found it in a garbage can.
The Tragedy: Out of nowhere the lighting for the computer turned off,
The Solution: I turned the brightness level all the way down and reset the computer,
The Tragedy: The computer turns off randomly
The Solution: I live with it.

Computers hate me
P.S. They really do hate me.
P.P.S. Thanks to the concern about my hangover and the well wishes