Whenever you sit on me, I make sure that you will be one of the most comfortable men (or women) in the planet that we know as Earth.
But don't fucking overstay you're welcome or I will throw you on the ground like the bitch you are, it will happen so suddenly that you will feel threatened at every other GODDAMN moment at what else I have in store.
Aren't the flowers in me decal just gorgeous? They go well with the TV and just feel the pillows... no not that one... not that one... the one to your left... isn't it just the most comfortable pillow in the world?
Now get on your fucking knees and beg to you lord that I will not give you a neck cramp that will make you hate humanity and any type of sitting furniture for the rest of your fucking miserable lives.
Have a nice day.