Holidays and my interpretations/memories

New Year's Day: "hey guys, I got a few bottles and baggies here wanna come over?" "Can't man, someone slipped my girl some tranquilizers"
Martin Luther King, Jr. Day: YEAH, MORE SLEEP!
Groundhog Day: "Ned... Ryerson. 'Needlenose Ned'? 'Ned the Head'? C'mon, buddy. Case Western High. Ned Ryerson: I did the whistling belly-button trick at the high school talent show? Bing! Ned Ryerson: got the shingles real bad senior year, almost didn't graduate? Bing, again. Ned Ryerson: I dated your sister Mary Pat a couple times until you told me not to anymore? Well?" I love that movie
Lincoln's Birthday: today, we celebrate one badass man, who is just so... badass
Valentine's Day: "Here honey, I got you a present" "for the last time, I'm not opening that box, your penis is in there, I know it" "...Fine, here's a card and a box of boxes of chalk candy" "I hate chalk candy." "More for me then"
St. Patrick's Day: Hello Mr. toilet, care to carry this for a bit (puke everywhere), thanks old buddy... zzzzzzz
April Fools' Day: "Jesus, what's gonna happen next?" "Hey Taylor!" "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME."
Easter: Hey, you see that egg? It was laid by a bunny! Don't believe me? See this? It's a statue depicting the God of this mess (Chocolate Easter Bunny) This is all lies told to you, mammals do lay eggs and I have the proof! What other way can this happen? 

Earth Day: What to do... I know! I'll go blo- damn you electricity...
Mother's Day: Hey Mom, hope you like the movies I bought you, I know you've been wanting them for a while
Father's Day: Hey Dad, hope you enjoy those beers so you can live through those chick flicks Mom recently got from a mysterious unknown source
Independence Day: Oh say can you see by the dawns early light 

what so proudly we blew

up all of our resources. 

We enjoy doing so, 

with humorous ease, 

and the explosions we watch 

to celebrate our inheritance
July 6th, my Birthday: Movies, gaming, and questionable activities and blowing up shit
Halloween: "Fuck yes, I know what I'm doing this year!" "Taylor, aren't a bit old for this" "Get the fuck out of my house"
Thanksgiving: BURP
Black Friday:... Friday... Black... Oh my God... It's a conspiracy... FUCK YOU REBECCA BLACK!
Christmas: Going out caroling! Be back soon... (To the tune of God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen)God fuck all you spoiled richboys, let Hell be your pay, Because I hate hearing your whining, every single day!
New Year's Eve:Wash, Rinse, Repeat