Blog from a couch

Hi there, I love you. 

Whenever you sit on me, I make sure that you will be one of the most comfortable men (or women) in the planet that we know as Earth.

But don't fucking overstay you're welcome or I will throw you on the ground like the bitch you are, it will happen so suddenly that you will feel threatened at every other GODDAMN moment at what else I have in store.

Aren't the flowers in me decal just gorgeous? They go well with the TV and just feel the pillows... no not that one... not that one... the one to your left... isn't it just the most comfortable pillow in the world?

Now get on your fucking knees and beg to you lord that I will not give you a neck cramp that will make you hate humanity and any type of sitting furniture for the rest of your fucking miserable lives.

Have a nice day.

TVR

Sleep...

recently I have been sleeping 6AM to 4PM... which is unhealthy as it is.
but now I am getting a small job where I actually have to be up at those exact times... bad coincidence.
So I did what I thought was smart... I stayed up from 4PM to 1PM the next day which was just about as long as my willpower was keeping me awake.
I mean, I was mesmerized by a slinky and not once, not twice, but what seemed to be 6 times, I moved the slinky and it fell and I jumped high enough to hit the roof each time...

Also I was watching the movie Purgatory, which was a good movie from what I remember, except for ******SPOILER!!!******

******the ending part where the Indian man throws the guys into Hell, I thought the idea Hell being******  ******a mystery behind the black gate seemed more appropriate... Also, I was so sad when the****** ******farmer was sent through the gate, you got to warrant that I had the mind of a five year old****** ******since I was so damn tired, but I was balling my eyes out at that part****** 

******END SPOILER******

So I went to sleep finally and then I woke up... at 10PM...
Now this was all yesterday so I thought not too much of it... but then I tried to ride it out again... but I was just able to stay up... till exactly the same time, I don't know if made things better or worse...

I could outdo Glee

I want to make a Jukebox musical series that instead of making it about performing, have it be that the songs are almost spur of the moment like in a lot of musicals and have to do with the plot.
And NOT massacre some of my favorite songs.
Once again for effect
NOT... Massacre... Some... Of... My... Favorite... Wait for it...
Maybe have some characters being stoners singing Bohemian Rhapsody, and they could be getting paranoid when the song gets to "I see a little silhouette of a man"
Or maybe have a couple talking on the phone with the song "Telephone" (bleh, not that great of a song but that's what came into mind first) and one of them being in a club
I'd try to write... But I'm not good at writing characters...
But actually if someone could do that, and not make it cheesy because cheesy is popular now, just like obscurity... but make it fun and good writing.

TVR
Are you still waiting? ... Songs!
Yeah, I hate Glee... So what?

I'm Dr.Doolittle... Except Only With Spiders

*Note: I did not drink, ingest, or smoke anything that caused this story, unless you can drink the feel of being tired*
I started talking to a spider for my own entertainment last night and I was just saying things like "Hiya spider, thanks for catching that mosquito because, as you know Mr. Spider, I have a reaction when bitten" and it was very innocent.
Until I got up for a drink of water.
I came back to the spider, and instinctively I said "so where were we?" and pondered a second and then realized "ah, right mosquitoes. Did you know that when I was a little kid, a mosquito bit my on my cheek and my whole face was swollen, no joke... "
And I just carried on talking like I was just getting to know him, unaware that I was talking to a spider, and it didn't stop until I asked
"Well, I should go to bed, it was nice talking to you mr..."
At that moment, I realized that I had shared my life story with a spider... and I don't even think he was listening, he was just wrapping up a butterfly...
And then I grabbed a Dr. Pepper and went to bed.

Spiders aren't great listeners...
TVR
Edit: I originally said beer, but I meant to say Dr. Pepper... I don't even drink... beer was on my mind because I was watching Cheers... I lied about having a hangover :(
I'm sorry, can you forgive me?
I'm not even old enough to drink yet :(
I'll make sure not to lie again :D

My luck with computers

All right, I have about 3 laptops now... Why so many?
Computer One: I got this computer as a gift from my Mom who didn't want it anymore...
The Tragedy: I was on the computer and decided "I want some chips," so I got up and my knee ever so lightly brushed the desk that it laid upon, and with the force of a boulder tossing catapult, the computer flew up, fell, and the screen landed on the ground, screen first.
The Results: a cracked screen. The computer works but I need a new screen for it.
The Solution: My sister gave me her old computer because she got a new one.
Computer Two: the one my sister gave me.
The Tragedy: I was on the computer trying to... attain movies and music through by... a questionable process... and bang...
The Results: It won't turn on.
The Solution: My neighbor threw a computer in the trash can... What the Hell? So at night, I snuck over, and grabbed it (hoping to find a computer with a working screen) I found a working computer... with no wires, but I used an older computer's wire to charge it, and it worked.
Computer Three (My current computer): I found it in a garbage can.
The Tragedy: Out of nowhere the lighting for the computer turned off,
The Solution: I turned the brightness level all the way down and reset the computer,
The Tragedy: The computer turns off randomly
The Solution: I live with it.

Computers hate me
TVR
P.S. They really do hate me.
P.P.S. Thanks to the concern about my hangover and the well wishes

My head hurts

Literally. I don't find anything funny right now. Not even Shaun of the Dead is cheering me up right now.
The world of media seems to be out fuck me as of now... Fuck it, I'm gonna finish my book.

TVR
Headaches are the shit... If you're a masochist.

My mind likes to hurt me

I hate talking about my dreams, it's like reliving getting shot in the chest, or the horror of being chased by an evil cherub statue that flies.

I've decided that I'll talk about it anyway though, because I love hurting myself for other people's benefit. (I do half a front cartwheel thing where I end up landing on my back... I really don't know how to illustrate this with words, but I hope you'll get it... but I do it just to entertain people (mainly girls, I'm a sucker to 'em all))

The dream about the cherub was actually one of my most detailed dreams ever, I was working in a statue factory that was forcing me and my girlfriend and her sister to make statues. The person making us do this was the flying cherub statue... Apparently I have an inner fear of cherubs because they will make you their bitch, whips and scalding water as a punishment (I didn't get punished because I'm a good workin' man, gf and sister on the other hand...) somehow we've all escaped and there's George and he invites us to hide in his house by the train tracks, the house is like an oversized version of  the stairs you have to lower by blowing up by putting one bomb between two other bombs which causes a domino effect with more bombs in Dodongo's Cavern in Zelda Ocarina of Time, but each step was about 6 feet tall... 

I climbed up the house and when I got to the top, the statue came to attack me (It moved like it was on a wire, and the body and face didn't move, it laughed but it's mouth was still and shit like that) but after it flew at me a few times, I caught it and said to George who was there "You know, there's a problem with this statue. The neck is too thin, I mean the head could snap" I crack the head off by slamming the statue against my knee "just like that"... I woke up and I felt like a badass because of that line

I had another dream, but it wasn't detailed, but I still felt badass throughout the most of it.

I am moving a box outside when I hear yells coming from next door (I lived in an apartment at the time, but this was two houses... in fact, I don't think there were any houses besides those two.) Yells of a fight and then a gunshot and a scream, a walk over with a pair of scissors in my hands (Don't ask me how I got it) and I look through the window as the door opens, I sneak over and a see a guy threatening to blow a girl's head off, he's holding her in a headlock and there's a little kid that he's yelling incoherent things and every now and again "I'll kill her!" so with my scissors, I sneak behind the man and put the scissors to his neck swiftly and say "what seems to be the problem here?" The girls run off to call the police (even though he's still holding a gun at them and the scissors were a pair of scissors I have at my desk in real life and they can barely cut Jello so I doubt they could slit anyone's neck but then again, it's a dream) He starts yelling profanities at me so I try to tell him to calm down and try to walk him somewhere, as we're walking, I slip and drop the scissors, he turns the gun at me and I'm sitting up straight, in bed, feeling for bullet holes in my chest.

TVR

Dreams are fucking weird.